Total Truth Thursdays | Kids: Concessions, Not The Kind Involving Popcorn

I abandoned this link up a couple of Thursdays ago, but decided to start back today with this week's topic - parenting and/or kids.

Since I'm not a parent, I'm in no position to preach on parenting. So, I decided to focus on my views around having kids. First, I have to tell you all how much my mom hates when I refer to people's children, especially my future ones, as kids. She thinks it's impersonal and not endearing. Oh, Mothers.

Anyhow, can I start by saying... pregnancy pact or nah? It seems like every week I'm finding out that another person is having or has had a baby. Unfortunately, my mom has noticed this trend as well, which has resulted in conversations about her relocating (she doesn't want to be the "other" grandma), baby names, and other topics that currently have no particular relevance to me.

Don't get me wrong I've been speaking babies on my womb since at least twelve - yet, several factors have prevented the conception of such children. The number one factor being the situation in which I'd like for this child of mine to come into existence.

I grew up in a single parent home and because of this I've mentally mapped out what it would take for me to raise a child on my own. Unfortunately, statistics also drive a lot of this thinking as well. Not that I wish this fate on myself or my future offspring, but the odds are stacked in opposition (being that I'm a black woman with an unwavering preference for black men). Statistically speaking, the odds are that my child's father and I will not raise the child as a couple and it's also likely that said father may not fulfill his parental responsibilities to his up-most potential. Due to this, two criteria have surfaced regarding what needs to exist in order for me to consider becoming someone's mother. The first being that I'm able to support my child financially, on my own. The second being that I am able to find a person that equally understands the meaning of becoming a parent and is willing to make any necessary sacrifices - as I would.

To that last point, as much I'd love to have a child and create posts of isms, I don't see parenthood as the right decision for me [now]. I believe that there are a lot of concessions I would be required to make and I'm not ready to sacrifice my sense of self and adapt to the title of being someone's mother. I say that because I'm the type of person that focuses their full attention to whatever requires it most at that time - relationships, work, etc. I fear that children would serve as a distraction that would be more harmful than good at this point in my life. The same goes for relationships, but I digress.

My above views aren't to say that mothers don't have their own identity or that in order to be a great mom you have to forsake your goals or ambitions. But, in the event that is required, I would like to be in a position to make that sacrifice. Which, currently I am not.

So, in the meantime, to all of you who've bit the bullet, or got hit by it, hats off to you. But as for me, and my womb, I'll try to keep my ovaries from influencing my ability to reason. Ladies, you know that thing that happens when you see an adorably cute child...I can't be the only one!

For those without children, but that want them, what are your reasons for postponing motherhood?

 

Total Truth Thursdays | Marriage: A Single's Perspective

Blogging is hard and writer's block is real.

Now, that I have those truths out the way, I want to introduce the very first "link up" I've decided to participate in - Total Truth Thursdays. I'm still not quite sure how the whole "link up" thing works, but I stumbled upon this at Hey Kelsea Rae and decided to throw caution to the wind.

If you want more information about this link-up and the dates/topics click the button at the bottom of this post.

As the subject of this post indicates, the first topic is marriage. Let me start by saying that I am not married nor by any rational assessment of my current situation close to becoming anyone's Mrs.. Because of that, I decided to look at this topic from my stance on marriage (as a single woman) and the role marriage plays in my life overall.

Candidly speaking, marriage is a goal of mine (watches as any potential suitor of mine runs for the hills). It was only recent, in the last year or so, that I realized how much of a goal it really was. I use the word goal purposely, as it's something I'm working towards. However, I do want to make clear it's not a challenge or something that I take lightly. I say it's a goal, because like any other goal I have I am working towards it and preparing myself for the opportunity. I just don't know what, or in this case who, I'm preparing for (wouldn't that make life so much easier).

The bible says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing (Proverbs 18:22)." Quickly, I think this is another one of those male ego booster things, because I'm quite positive I'll find him first and then have to wait for him to see the light. Anywho, if you read my post the other day, I talked about my views on womanhood and what being a woman means to me. As mentioned there, gender roles and the purpose of them have been skewed by society. I feel that the role of a woman is to take care of her family. Whereas a man is supposed to support his family. Over time, maybe in part due to the repetitive roles women and men assumed in society, people have equated "taking care" with domestic responsibilities and "support" with finances and stability.

To me, the words can be interpreted however as long as the interpretation works for that family unit. Taking care of one household may mean a woman needs to carry the financial burden while her husband continues education. For another household, the husband may need to "support" his wife's desire to maintain her career and be a stay at home dad. I think the definition of what it means to take care of someone or support a person has always been a constant, it's just how it plays out is what's flexible.

Unfortunately, marriage has loss it's value in society. I think that's partially due to the casual manner in which it's approached - also the stigmas that have been attached to it. I am a product of divorce, so I didn't grow up in a household that's helped to shape my ideals on marriage. But, I've witnessed (mainly in media) a lot of power couples. Besides the success and money, what I've always wanted and admired was how much of a team dynamic they seemed to have.

As I've been dating, I have come to the decision that all the dating I do is in preparation of finding my husband - my partner in crime, the person that balances me.  I have a sincere belief that life is not a journey intended to be experienced alone. I have things right and wrong with me, but so will my furture husband. For me, the puzzle is finding the person whose wrongs are my rights and vice versa. This obviously complicates the dating game for me, but having marriage in mind as my goal does help the process.

Tune in next Thursday, the topic is fashion.