Thursday, April 10, 2014

Total Truth Thursdays | Kids: Concessions, Not The Kind Involving Popcorn

I abandoned this link up a couple of Thursdays ago, but decided to start back today with this week's topic - parenting and/or kids.

Since I'm not a parent, I'm in no position to preach on parenting. So, I decided to focus on my views around having kids. First, I have to tell you all how much my mom hates when I refer to people's children, especially my future ones, as kids. She thinks it's impersonal and not endearing. Oh, Mothers.

Anyhow, can I start by saying... pregnancy pact or nah? It seems like every week I'm finding out that another person is having or has had a baby. Unfortunately, my mom has noticed this trend as well, which has resulted in conversations about her relocating (she doesn't want to be the "other" grandma), baby names, and other topics that currently have no particular relevance to me.

Don't get me wrong I've been speaking babies on my womb since at least twelve - yet, several factors have prevented the conception of such children. The number one factor being the situation in which I'd like for this child of mine to come into existence.

I grew up in a single parent home and because of this I've mentally mapped out what it would take for me to raise a child on my own. Unfortunately, statistics also drive a lot of this thinking as well. Not that I wish this fate on myself or my future offspring, but the odds are stacked in opposition (being that I'm a black woman with an unwavering preference for black men). Statistically speaking, the odds are that my child's father and I will not raise the child as a couple and it's also likely that said father may not fulfill his parental responsibilities to his up-most potential. Due to this, two criteria have surfaced regarding what needs to exist in order for me to consider becoming someone's mother. The first being that I'm able to support my child financially, on my own. The second being that I am able to find a person that equally understands the meaning of becoming a parent and is willing to make any necessary sacrifices - as I would.

To that last point, as much I'd love to have a child and create posts of isms, I don't see parenthood as the right decision for me [now]. I believe that there are a lot of concessions I would be required to make and I'm not ready to sacrifice my sense of self and adapt to the title of being someone's mother. I say that because I'm the type of person that focuses their full attention to whatever requires it most at that time - relationships, work, etc. I fear that children would serve as a distraction that would be more harmful than good at this point in my life. The same goes for relationships, but I digress.

My above views aren't to say that mothers don't have their own identity or that in order to be a great mom you have to forsake your goals or ambitions. But, in the event that is required, I would like to be in a position to make that sacrifice. Which, currently I am not.

So, in the meantime, to all of you who've bit the bullet, or got hit by it, hats off to you. But as for me, and my womb, I'll try to keep my ovaries from influencing my ability to reason. Ladies, you know that thing that happens when you see an adorably cute child...I can't be the only one!

For those without children, but that want them, what are your reasons for postponing motherhood?

Total Truth Thursday


  1. I think you're amazing for sharing your views on this and what's been on your mind. Having kids is one of the biggest, most life-changing decisions anyone could make and while I applaud you for realizing you're not ready to give up "self" yet, I think that your decision is actually one of the most selfless decisions one could make- putting the wellbeing of your future child ahead of the pressure or timeline others might put on you. Way to go girl :)